Christine Schäfer, communication expert, author, and founder of KOMMUNIKATIONSbuffet, shares more secrets of communication and collaboration after her last article, "Keep Calm and Show Confidence."
When it comes to criticising, we are real masters. Nothing escapes our trained eyes, and our inner perfectionist compels us to immediately share any flaws with our counterpart. But can this be done receptively? So that our comments benefit everyone involved? Today we look at nine tips on this exciting topic: Giving feedback - but correctly. But first:
Feedback is more than just expressing an opinion. It can be a valuable tool for evaluating behaviours, performances, and results. Through feedback, we gain a different perspective that helps us recognise our own blind spots and develop further with this additional information. However, a few basic rules must be followed to ensure that our feedback is heard and ideally accepted. Because no one, absolutely no one, likes to be told they've done something wrong. At least I don't know anyone who does. Not even I enjoy being called out on my mistakes. Over the years, however, I have learned that these situations, alongside my own failures, are where I can gain valuable information. How something doesn't work and, ideally, how it can be done better. I adopt an attitude of calm and think: At best, I can learn something and do better in the future; at worst, I simply learn more about the other person and how they handle critical situations.
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This is, in my experience, the basis for further dialogue and the effectiveness of my feedback. I ask the other person for permission to give feedback. This gives them the chance to prepare mentally and brace themselves. It might be tough to hear what I have to say, right? By asking for permission in advance, my counterpart can decide whether and when they want to hear more from me. This increases the chances that what I say will be heard and accepted.
Honestly, in front of what audience do you want to be criticised? None! Therefore, respect dictates that feedback conversations take place privately. Anyone criticised publicly will shut down, struggle for composure, and try to defend themselves by all means. Such a feedback conversation is unlikely to improve the situation, the process, or the relationship. However, if you stay among yourselves, the chances increase that the conversation will remain calm and appreciative. Especially if you also follow the other eight tips.
This is a critical point. How soon or late should you give feedback? The closer your feedback is to the event, the more effective the learning will be. However, sometimes you may only reflect until later what feedback you would like to give. This requires your intuition. A clear tip: Don't wait too long! Once your inner perfectionist spots an issue, it won't leave you alone until you address it. It will only become harder to stay objective. So, carefully consider the best timing for your feedback. And remember to follow Tip 2!
Anyone who personally attacks someone as being stupid for always getting something wrong should save their breath for such an attack. Such comments are unnecessary, unhelpful, and devalue the other person. No one benefits from this kind of criticism. However, if you focus on objective processes, you allow your counterpart to be capable of learning and to manage the process better with your help in the future. Stay firm on the issue and evaluate the process – separate from the person. You want a process to run better in the future, right? If you want the person to change, then it's not a valid criticism but your personal issue. And these two must not be confused.
You might have wondered in Tip 4 how exactly to do that. The solution comes here: Describe specifically with which senses you perceived which process. How something impacted you. Avoid any judgment (good, bad, too much, too little, unnecessary, etc.). A classic example would be the following reaction:
"When I entered the MRI room in the morning, I saw that the patient positioners were not in their designated shelf space. I then opened some drawers to see if the consumables were refilled. They were not."
How will such a situation end? More on that later...
Talk about what YOU see, think, and feel, not in general terms or about others. It's important to YOU that something is addressed, so use "I" statements, such as "When I entered the examination room, I saw...". This may sound a bit awkward, but avoid general statements like "The examination room should always be clean." By speaking from your own perspective, your counterpart can more readily accept your words and act from a human, reasonable perspective instead of meeting an abstract rule.
There will surely be a reason why it is important to address the condition of the patient positioner shelf. Share this reason objectively with your counterpart. A real pro-tip here is to wish for the desired change from your counterpart. "If I could wish for something, it would be that you tidy up the shelf before going home." This sounds friendly, and wishes are rarely denied outright. Additionally, this form of phrasing helps prepare for Tip 8.
When giving constructive criticism, aim for improvements that benefit everyone. If the feedback only serves your interests, it may not be well received. However, if you can show how the change benefits many people, it increases the likelihood of acceptance and improvement. For example, instead of saying, "You should tidy up the shelf and refill the consumables for me," you could say, "If you tidy up the shelf and refill the consumables, we can ensure everything is in place and avoid any unpleasant surprises the next day." This approach highlights the collective benefit, making it much more compelling.
An absolute superpower is if we praise and appreciate each other! Praise and recognition create a stable foundation for possible criticism in the future. The desired behaviour can thus be reinforced in a motivating way. If we receive recognition for our efforts, we acknowledge that a justified suggestion for improvement can take us to the next level. However, if someone only receives criticism, they simply lose the desire to improve even the smallest things. Why should they? They always hear complaints anyway! My wish for you: Loudly praise and value what others do well in your eyes. Follow the 5:1 formula, which means: praise 5 times for every 1 time you criticise.
By following these simple rules, we increase the chance that our feedback will be accepted as an opportunity for personal growth and better collaboration. The art lies in viewing feedback as a valuable resource and using it appreciatively, constructively, and honestly. By actively engaging with feedback, we can continuously improve and better realise our potential. As part of an ongoing learning process, feedback is a valuable tool that helps us thrive in all areas of our lives.
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